By the end of today, I want you to be clear about what you want to forgive the person who victimized you. Then, in the next few days we will begin the first phase of the Radical Forgiveness process that, as you may recall, is telling the story and feeling the feelings. (Stage 1 and 2.) That is, explaining how this person has victimized you and damaged you.
And yes, I do want you to use this kind of language during this first phase. Victimized, damaged, hurt, wounded and so on, even if in reality you don’t really feel that way now and wouldn’t ordinarily use that kind of language, or that you think that as a spiritual person, you are beyond that now.
In fact, I want you to forget everything you have ever learned about Radical Forgiveness, at least for the time being. I want you to be the complete victim during this part of the program. I want you to say exactly what happened as you saw it, and how it felt to you, without any spiritual overlays, psychological explanations or personal insights that you may now have. I do not even want you to have compassion or mercy for your offender at this stage. He or she did what he or she did, and that is it.
You see, with Radical Forgiveness, we always need to start from the position of being the victim. Similarly, we need to see the one we forgive as the perpetrator. Purely black and white. No gray. This will get you in touch with the emotional energy that is still attached to the original wound — and that is the energy that we will be working on throughout this program, trying to dissolve. Once the energy block has been dissolved, the rest follows. So focusing on being a victim is very important and you should not dilute it in any way whatsoever.
Victim consciousness is defined as the conviction that someone has injured you in some way and, as a result, they are responsible for the lack of peace and happiness in your life. Moreover, that’s exactly how I want you to see yourself now about this person. Have I made that clear enough? I hope so.
By the way, it makes no difference if the person you are forgiving is alive or dead, unless of course part of what you need to forgive him/her for is leaving you. Death of someone may be felt as a very painful form of abandonment, and there may be a lot of anger attached to that. However, insofar as it affects the process itself, the person you are forgiving may be alive or dead or just simply absent. It makes no difference. From this point on though, and throughout the program, I will write everything as if they are still alive. I hope you do not mind, but it will keep things simple.
The program provides you with an online journal in which to write whatever might be called for in each unit. Not all units ask you to write anything specifically but the journal remains available to you to journal anything you like and whenever you like, over and above what is demanded by the program
Each day has its own journal page so you can easily refer back and forth according to the day you wish to reference. You can print that page out at the end of each day if you wish, or wait until the end of the 21 days and print out everything in one go
By the way, the journal is totally secure. It is password protected which means no one but you can access it, and as soon as you press ‘clear’ it will disappear from our server altogether. However, to be able to refer and even add to what you wrote a the time, you might not want to clear it until the end. Nothing is stored on your computer.
Go to the next page for today’s assignment.