Shadow Stuff

Cool and Uncool
There is another way in which subconscious beliefs about ourselves are formed when we are young, which, despite being buried very deep down, may well become active in our lives and make us feel bad about ourselves. First some background.

Split People
We mentioned earlier in the program that we are not a single self. Rather we are composed of a whole host of selves, many of whom are in conflict with each other. We are very much split personalities.

However, there is another division within ourselves that deserves to be explored in this program. That is, the split between how we like to think of ourselves as being (the image we present to the world in order to get approval), and that which we deny, repress and project onto other people – our shadow.

How We Become Split
When we are very young we quickly learn which ways of being gets us love and approval and which ones lead to disapproval, shaming and a withering withdrawal of love. Anything we get shamed for we dump immediately into our shadow and pretend that it is not there (i.e. we deny and repress it.)

Buried Treasure

From then on we present to the world only half of what we are. The other, uncool half remains buried deep down in our unconscious mind, disowned, denied and totally repressed. As we get older we might discover, or will be shamed into believing, other “bad” things about ourselves as well. We’ll add these to our uncool list and repress them, too.

Shaming Creates the Shadow
As we have already said, most of what we believe about ourselves is not true. It was just that we were shamed into believing it by someone else. Some small incident may have happened, perhaps when we weren’t being too kind to one of our siblings, and our mother may have scolded us and told us that we were very cruel. If it was said with enough emotion to make us feel shame, that idea that we were cruel may have stuck. The idea that we were a cruel person became part of our shadow.

Pain Is Repressed Too
Additionally, we may also repress memories of painful emotional traumas that we were not able to handle at the time. That means a lot of unresolved grief, anger, rage, guilt and shame will lie buried in your shadow as well. As you can imagine, quite an explosive mix.

Healing the Shadow
It is this shadow material, bubbling away deep down in the subconscious mind that causes us to have that indefinable, free floating anxiety that makes us believe that we are not OK. It follows then, that in order to heal the idea that we are not OK, we need to uncover what uncool aspects still live within us and give rise to those feelings.

But how? How can we become acquainted with them? How can we identify these feelings and uncool parts of ourselves so that we can begin to accept them just the way they are and bring ourselves back to wholeness again?

Exercise:

Before we show you how you can see into your shadow, there is one thing we need you to do. List 10 things you don’t like about two people who you find yourself being most critical of. They can be people you know personally or just know through the media.

Person 1

Now go to the next page to read about Attraction and Resonance and what this has to do with this exercise.

Excerpts from Chapter 8 in the book: Radical Forgiveness.

Just as a radio station uses a certain frequency to broadcast its programs, so our emotions (energy in motion) vibrate at certain frequencies. People who resonate with our feelings vibrate at that same rate and are likely to have a similar emotional pattern to our own — either the same or opposite — which they then mirror back to us.

Our core beliefs also have a certain frequency. By speaking them aloud, we give our beliefs even more energy, and they take on a causal quality in the Universe. Thus, our spoken beliefs cause effects in our world. In addition, other people resonate with the energetic frequency of that belief. In other words, they vibrate sympathetically at the same rate with it.

When they do so, they are attracted into our lives to mirror our beliefs back to us. That gives us a chance to look at, and if necessary, to change our minds about that belief. It is not only negative beliefs that get mirrored back to us, either. For example, if we are loving and trusting, we will tend to attract people into our lives who are likewise trustworthy and nurturing.

So, if you want to know what you dislike about yourself and have likely disowned, simply look at what annoys you about the people who come into your life. Look into the mirror they provide. If you spot it, you’ve got it!

If you seem to attract a lot of angry people into your life, you probably have not dealt with some anger of your own. If people seem to withhold love from you, some part of you is unwilling to give love. If people seem to steal things from you, part of you behaves dishonestly or feels dishonest. If people betray you, maybe you have betrayed someone in the past.

Story: When I was a young High School teacher in England, I was given a brand new workshop, beautifully equipped with new hand tools and machine tools. I was teaching the craft of woodworking. The teacher next to me had virtually the same workshop. One day, he came to me and said, “You must lose an awful lot of tools.” When I said I hadn’t lost any he couldn’t believe it. He said, “But I see the children working in there when you’re not in the vicinity, all your cupboards are open and the children are using the tools. I never let the children work in my shop and I lock the tools in boxes and put the boxes in the cupboard which I also lock, and then I lock the door to the workshop — and yet I have had a lot of tools stolen!”

He couldn’t understand why I had lost none. At the time, I had no answer for him either, but now I realize that the children were responding to his belief. He was certain that people would steal from him so he locked everything. Nevertheless, the children, at some level, felt obliged to help him be right, so they somehow got round his system and stole his tools. Conversely, it never entered my mind that they would steal from me, so they didn’t. This goes to prove that children are our greatest teachers.

Look at the issues that upset you, too. If abortion really makes you mad maybe a part of you shows little reverence for life in other ways, or a part of you knows it could abuse a child. If you are passionately against homosexuality, maybe you cannot accept the part of you that sometimes feels homosexually inclined, so you project onto others and criticize them for it.

Bear in mind the reflection does not always appear that straight forward. For example, sometimes we do not identify with the specific behavior as much as we do with the underlying meaning it holds for us. A man who gets angry about his wife’s overeating and obesity may not be resonating with any personal tendency to overeat; instead, he might be resonating with her use of food to avoid dealing with emotional problems, because it mirrors his tendency to run away from his own emotional problems.

Summary:
Interesting, eh? Now you can easily see what it is that you have in your shadow that you don’t like. Whatever you see in someone else that you object to, that is what you have in your shadow. The principle is clear: IF YOU SPOT IT – YOU’VE GOT IT!

However, just remember that the mirror is often much distorted and may be reflecting something that is symbolic of something quite unlike the apparent quality. That doesn’t matter though because you do not have to know what it is in order to heal it. If you are able simply to be more accepting of it in that other person, the acceptance will reverberate back to you. It’s a beautiful system.

Let’s work on that acceptance now.

Please read aloud the following paragraph about Person # 1:

(Note:  You must have filled out the fields on the previous page for these to show.)

I, GODFREY, having been critical of you  for   am now able to accept that quality in you. In so doing, I lovingly accept that in myself even though I don’t necessarily know exactly what it represents in me.

I, GODFREY, having been critical of you  for   am now able to accept that quality in you. In so doing, I lovingly accept that in myself even though I don’t necessarily know exactly what it represents in me.

I, GODFREY, having been critical of you  for   am now able to accept that quality in you. In so doing, I lovingly accept that in myself even though I don’t necessarily know exactly what it represents in me.

I, GODFREY, having been critical of you  for   am now able to accept that quality in you. In so doing, I lovingly accept that in myself even though I don’t necessarily know exactly what it represents in me.

I, GODFREY, having been critical of you  for   am now able to accept that quality in you. In so doing, I lovingly accept that in myself even though I don’t necessarily know exactly what it represents in me.

I, GODFREY, having been critical of you  for   am now able to accept that quality in you. In so doing, I lovingly accept that in myself even though I don’t necessarily know exactly what it represents in me.

I, GODFREY, having been critical of you  for   am now able to accept that quality in you. In so doing, I lovingly accept that in myself even though I don’t necessarily know exactly what it represents in me.

I, GODFREY, having been critical of you  for   am now able to accept that quality in you. In so doing, I lovingly accept that in myself even though I don’t necessarily know exactly what it represents in me.

I, GODFREY, having been critical of you  for   am now able to accept that quality in you. In so doing, I lovingly accept that in myself even though I don’t necessarily know exactly what it represents in me.

I, GODFREY, having been critical of you  for   am now able to accept that quality in you. In so doing, I lovingly accept that in myself even though I don’t necessarily know exactly what it represents in me.

Please read aloud the following paragraph about Person # 2:

I, GODFREY, having been critical of you  for   am now able to accept that quality in you. In so doing, I lovingly accept that in myself even though I don’t necessarily know exactly what it represents in me.

I, GODFREY, having been critical of you  for   am now able to accept that quality in you. In so doing, I lovingly accept that in myself even though I don’t necessarily know exactly what it represents in me.

I, GODFREY, having been critical of you  for   am now able to accept that quality in you. In so doing, I lovingly accept that in myself even though I don’t necessarily know exactly what it represents in me.

I, GODFREY, having been critical of you  for   am now able to accept that quality in you. In so doing, I lovingly accept that in myself even though I don’t necessarily know exactly what it represents in me.

I, GODFREY, having been critical of you  for   am now able to accept that quality in you. In so doing, I lovingly accept that in myself even though I don’t necessarily know exactly what it represents in me.

I, GODFREY, having been critical of you  for   am now able to accept that quality in you. In so doing, I lovingly accept that in myself even though I don’t necessarily know exactly what it represents in me.

I, GODFREY, having been critical of you  for   am now able to accept that quality in you. In so doing, I lovingly accept that in myself even though I don’t necessarily know exactly what it represents in me.

I, GODFREY, having been critical of you  for   am now able to accept that quality in you. In so doing, I lovingly accept that in myself even though I don’t necessarily know exactly what it represents in me.

I, GODFREY, having been critical of you  for   am now able to accept that quality in you. In so doing, I lovingly accept that in myself even though I don’t necessarily know exactly what it represents in me.

I, GODFREY, having been critical of you  for   am now able to accept that quality in you. In so doing, I lovingly accept that in myself even though I don’t necessarily know exactly what it represents in me.

Well Done! By doing this exercise, you will have automatically released the energy that has held each subconscious belief in your shadow. Having released the energy, the belief will either disappear (if it was never true in the first place,) or your judgment of it will cease. Either way you will be free of the discomfort.

Give yourself a bit of a break before doing the next module. Maybe you should sleep on this one – give yourself 24 hours, perhaps. As you sleep on it, much healing will take place during your dream cycle, and that will be very beneficial.