What you have done, so far, is scan your entire energy field for everything you feel shameful about and have discovered some of the core-negative beliefs and wounds that underlie the shame. You have looked at aspects of your shadow and have brought some of them to the light. Doing all that was healing in itself. But now we have to transform those things. That’s the purpose of this module.
For the transformation to occur, however, it requires that you allow yourself to be comfortable with an extraordinary paradox. It is this. In order to heal those aspects of your shadow that, up to now, you have abhorred, denied, rejected, and projected onto others, you have to love them unconditionally. That means unconditional acceptance of them just the way they are!
I hear you ask. “You mean love the thief in me, the liar, the cheat, the phony, the pervert, the controller, the horrible, cruel, mean person in me, and everything I hate about myself?”
Yes. There is no other way. If you try to get rid of them, let them go, or even ‘release them,’ they will only become more firmly anchored in your psyche. You have probably heard the saying, “what you resist, persists.” Well, nowhere does that apply more than to those parts of yourself that you resist. This is why affirmations to the contrary do not work. A positive affirmation that merely overlays a negative one that is not transformed will simply increase one’s self-hatred.
The Only Way
I repeat; the only way to transform that which you have judged, denied and rejected, is to bring it home and to give it the love that it is crying out for.
“So how can I do that, for Pete’s sake?”
Actually the step is not yours to take — it’s Spirit’s. But you have to open your heart and be willing to love every part of you. Just being willing is enough. Spirit will do the rest. All we have to do, to express that willingness, is attempt a reframe.
So what is a reframe? Well, imagine your true authentic, human self depicted as a painting. Now imagine that there is a very large, heavy-duty frame around the picture, with all your judgments inscribed on all four sides of the frame. This represents how you have ‘framed’ yourself.
Let me remind you about what we said self is, by referring to the diagram we saw in an earlier module.
Your Authentic Human Self
This is who you are at the human level — warts and all. A perfectly imperfect human being. Let me repeat that — a perfectly imperfect human being.
The Radical Forgiveness philosophy tells us that everything is divinely guided, and that everyone is doing what they need to do. There are no mistakes. It follows therefore, that everyone is being who they were meant to be — even to the extent of being a thief, a liar, a pervert, or whatever. It is all purposeful in the spiritual sense. In other words, it is necessary that we be the way we are (imperfect), in order to fulfill our part in the great spiritual experiment of being human.
Yes, it is true that most of what exists in our shadow was created as a result of being wounded and shamed and, to that degree, it is nothing more than a collection of beliefs and ideas that we took on. But if we follow the logic of the Radical Forgiveness philosophy, that was perfect too. We needed to create that in order to play our part. Contrary to the way we normally perceive our wounding and shaming to have been, we were not victimized at all, least of all by our parents.
Loving Our Imperfection
So this leads us, finally, to our reframe. When we become willing to be open to the idea that there is spiritual perfection in all aspects of our imperfection, and that the way we are is exactly the way we are supposed to be, we allow Spirit to transform our own sense of who we are. We are then able to open our hearts to ourselves in unconditional love and acceptance.
Notice that there is no attempt to change anything about ourselves in the process. We simply focus on the perfection of our own imperfection, knowing that God created us this way for a purpose.
And here’s the other part of the paradox that is so ironic. When you simply accept yourself just the way you are, as perfectly imperfect, those aspects of yourself that caused you to hate yourself, for whatever reason disappear.
That’s because, as we know, most of them were only beliefs being acted out anyway, so there was no real substance to them. At the same time, we are able to love and accept those remaining parts of us that always were true and substantial — even if they aren’t so pretty.
The Purpose Has Been Served
So why the self-hatred in the first place? Well, I believe that even your self-hatred had a purpose to it, even though we will never know what it was. But, the very fact that you have found this program and embarked upon it, tells me that the purpose has been served and the self-hatred can now be healed — transformed into profound love. In other words, the work — whatever it was — has been done. It’s time for you to move to the next level.
If we look back again to our diagram of Self, we would notice, as a result of our reframing, that all our lost selves, and disowned selves were now back within the circle that represents our authentic human self, indicating our healing. We might also see that we are now more connected than ever to our I AM Self — our spiritual self.
Now Read this Out Loud to Yourself:
I am the only one in God’s creation with my set of natural abilities. There will always be somebody who is better at one of the things I am good at, but no one in the Universe can match the quality of my combination of talents, ideas, natural abilities and spiritual abilities. Like a room full of musical instruments, some may excel alone, but none can match the symphony sound of the Family of God when all are played together because God set the members – every one of them – in exactly the right and perfect arrangement. Through all of eternity, no one will ever look, talk, walk, think, or do things exactly like me. I am special. As in all rarity, there is great value, so because of my rarity and true value, I have no need to try to be like others or even seek their approval. I now fully accept – celebrate – my qualities and even those parts of myself that I have, hitherto, judged to be not OK. I am special. I continue to realize that it’s not an accident that I am who I am. I now see that God created me, just the way I am, for a very special purpose – even though I don’t know what that is. I recognize that I am called to do, and to be, that which no one else can do as well as I can. Out of all the billions of applicants, only one qualified; only one has the best combination of what it takes. Just as surely as every snow flake that falls has a perfect design and no two designs are the same, so within the Family of God also, no two people are the same, and without each member, the Family would be lacking. God’s plan would be incomplete.
(I do not know who wrote the words above or how it came into my possession, but am grateful to have it and trust that I am doing right to share with you.)
Exercise: My Reframe
Write a reframe in the box below that transforms your shame and self-hatred into unconditional love for yourself. This will work by simply taking your attention away from your judgments and focusing on the perfection that has been revealed to you. It doesn’t have to be perfect, it really doesn’t matter what you write, as long as you write something from the heart.
My Reframe About Who I am:
I now fully realize that what I was experiencing, (my self-hatred,) was a precise reflection of my false perception of who I truly am — a beautiful child of God. I understand that I can change the false reality by simply being willing to accept the perfection of my having experienced myself as less than perfect.
I now surrender to the Higher Power I think of as: (Type in the box below.)
and trust in the knowledge that my Divine Plan is unfolding exactly as it was meant to unfold and that I am playing my part in it exactly as planned. I now understand that what looks like imperfection in human terms is perfect in spiritual terms and I give up any need to be other than who I was meant to be in this lifetime. I accept myself as a loving and generous creative being. I release all need to hold onto negative emotions and ideas of low self-worth. I create my thoughts, my feelings and my life and I am empowered to be myself again, to unconditionally love and support myself just the way I am.
I celebrate who I am, just the way I am.
I now release the toxic energy I have been holding within my body, mind, DNA and cellular structure, and surrender to God’s love, knowing that his Love is present in every situation, and that I am loved.
Congratulations! You have completed the preparatory phase of this program. Next comes the finale which is the worksheet. All that you have been doing up to now has been leading to this. You will definitely need to have a good amount of time, perhaps even 90 minutes or so, to complete the worksheet, so make sure you have that amount of time to spare before starting it. When doing this, you can make it specific to one particular aspect of self-hatred, if you wish or keep it general. Either way, you will take it through all five stages, including the reframe.