The Reframe Letter: Well the day has finally arrived. This is the day you write the reframe letter.
The letter you wrote on Day #4 was the one written from the victim’s standpoint and probably with a lot of seemingly justifiable, self-righteous anger. You wrote it accusing your offender of having upset you in some way. The second letter you wrote was still from the victim’s perspective. However, it was tempered with some measure of compassion for him or her and a degree of understanding for what he or she did to you and why.
This third letter is where you strip away the old victim consciousness frame that you’ve had around the story up to now, and replace it with the new Radical Forgiveness frame. You use all the words and phrases you found in yesterday’s questionnaire to express it.
Ideally this letter is written directly from the heart and a place of love, but if, in reality, that is not possible yet, fake it. It might seem disingenuous to do that, but it does not matter. If there’s resistance, it is only your ego that wants to be right. So, do it anyway. It works.
Let me say again, even if you can find the love, you probably still won’t truly believe what you write; at least your rational mind won’t. However, that part of the mind called your Spiritual Intelligence certainly will, so don’t worry. Just write it up the best you can. When you have finished it, read it out loud so that your body feels the vibration of it. This is very important because it integrates the new story into the body, and that is the fifth stage of the Radical Forgiveness process — integration.
We find that it is usually best to start off by saying “I now realize that . . . . and then you write a letter that uses many if not all of the sentences and phrases that were in the worksheet you went through yesterday, adding in what is specific and personal to your own situation.
Go to your journal to write the reframe letter.
I am sure you will do a wonderful job with it, but let me reassure you about one thing. That is, you do not have to be a great writer or be able to write eloquently to do it. In fact, you will be the only one to see it unless you choose to share it with your coach, so it does not matter how well you write it. The only thing that matters is that you DO write it and then read it out loud when it is finished.
REMEMBER THE RULE — NEVER SEND THIS OR ANY OTHER LETTER TO THE PERSON YOU ARE WRITING.
Do at least one mandala after you have completed the letter.