Day 15

Getting to Heaven on a Harley

Suddenly we were both swept up and moving up the tunnel of light. Barely discernible within the light, at what appeared to me to be center point of it, was what I can only describe as a Presence. It had no real form but it was unmistakably there. And it was both the source of the light and that from which all the love was emanating.

“Welcome back!” said Harley. “Right on cue. We’ve all been preparing for your return. The members of your soul group are here, waiting to see you, at least the ones who are back here already, plus other friends and relations you haven’t seen in a while. Are you ready for your life review?”

Suddenly it all became clear to me. I had been on a journey to the Earth plane and it had all been pre-planned. As my Angel of Incarnation, Harley had prepared me for that journey. He not only taught me what to expect but had set me up with a number of other souls who would play certain roles that would help me learn what I needed to learn during my lifetime.

“Did you like the Harley?” said Harley. “I thought I might as well bring you home in style. Motorcycles always were your soft spot, weren’t they? Mine too as you might well imagine. That’s the one thing I miss about being up here all the time. Every now and then I think about incarnating just to have a Harley and go on a few bike rides with all the other bikers, but then I think about all the other stuff that goes with it, and I make do with just my imagination. I’ve done all the incarnations I need to do. Now I just prepare souls like you to go do theirs.”

“It was quite fitting that you should be killed on a motorcycle, don’t you think? Seeing that it was your time, we saw to it that you would begin the journey really angry, knowing you always rode like a maniac when you were angry. Then we made that bend a little more slick than usual, and then pushed you to go a little faster than was prudent given the conditions. Worked like a dream didn’t it?”

“I think I might have preferred a death with a slower pace to it,” I replied, “so I could have said good-bye to a few friends and put my affairs in order. I would have like to say goodbye to my wife. She’s really hurting. That’s the worst part of a sudden death I suppose.”

“Yes, I know, but perhaps you might not be remembering quite yet, but that was the agreement,” said Harley gently. “You and she agreed to do it this way so she would get to feel the sudden abandonment. She wanted to feel the pain of that kind of separation.”

Harley took me into another room which was square in shape but almost entirely featureless except for a very large white screen on one wall. There was a chair in the center of the room and a row of chairs set up as a semicircle behind and around it. Harley motioned me to sit in the one central chair. I felt very exposed and rather nervous, wondering whether I was going to be severely judged.

“Don’t worry,” said Harley picking up on my fears. “It’s not like that. We have no judgment here at all, and there is no right or wrong as far as we are concerned. But there are lessons to be learned all right. So it is helpful to see how exercising your free will at several points in your life either supported the unfoldment of your life’s plan or interfered with it. That information will then be helpful to you in your next life. Let’s bring in your soul group now, because they want to be part of this.”

A door opened up in the far wall and in floated about ten souls who took their seats. They were so happy to see me and beamed love and support at me with such intensity that I literally felt lit up by their energy. All my fears evaporated immediately. As I looked at each one, the recognition was instantaneous and the heart connection automatic. The whole room now was bathed in love. I longed to get up and hug each one, but I sensed that it wouldn’t be appropriate. Later.

Harley went on to recap the purpose for doing a spiritual journey in a human body. This was along the lines I talked about yesterday about wanting to experience separation as a way of expanding our consciousness of oneness.

“When the time is right for you to make your journey into the human world,” Harley continued, “We first make sure your memory of this world is erased and then set it up for you to have plenty of opportunities to feel the pain of separation. This most commonly occurs within personal relationships, especially between parents and their offspring, but actually it occurs in all sorts of other situations too.”

“Does one always have to suffer in order to experience separation?” I asked. “Must it always be painful?”

“It’s always going to be painful, but let’s be clear about this,” replied Harley. “The pain of separation is not restricted to unpleasant or tragic events. It can be experienced in the most delicious of emotional experiences, like when looking into the eyes of the woman you love and seeing in that person such beauty and love that your greatest desire is to merge with her — to become one with her.

But it is not possible to do that. So to be close but yet still separate from the person you love is painful. That’s why people say that love hurts. You can merge emotionally and physically with someone, but you can’t merge spiritually.”

I looked over at the soul who had been Susan. She smiled knowingly. I had known deep love with her, but I knew what Harley meant. Even though we, as lovers and husband and wife, were as close as two people could be, we were still not One. Not really. We were still separate individuals and there was pain in that truth. Then, when death tore us apart, increasing the separation, the pain was excruciating.

“Do we choose how much pain we are willing to experience during our incarnation?” I asked.

“How much pain you get is a function of how much spiritual growth you are willing to have during that one lifetime,” replied Harley. Some agree to experience more pain during a single incarnation simply in order to reduce the total number of incarnations necessary to complete their service. Others take it a little easier and spread it over several lifetimes. We leave that up to you, because you do have free will, as you know. It is mostly decided ahead of time, but you can make adjustments as you go through the life experience.”

“But how do you measure the pain of separation in a way that you’d know how much drama to create in any one lifetime?” I inquired.

“Good question,” said Harley. “Clearly, we had to have some sort of scale against which to measure the pain of separation and to keep score. So we created what we call a karmic unit. This is the measure of the pain of separation over time,” said Harley. “A computer keeps track of how many karmic units each soul is scoring throughout their life relative to the number they set themselves as their goal. From that, it schedules their Awakening accordingly.

“That’s when we would begin to send you messages to awaken. In your case, I think we sent you a book called Radical Forgiveness. That was the first thing we did, and it sparked the Awakening process in you, correct?”

“That’s right. It did. I actually remember feeling that I had been asleep up to that point. Before that I was so sure of my world view and thought I had it all handled. Suddenly, a window opened, in came the light and my old world view started to melt away. It was quite alarming. But how many karmic units did I sign up for, Harley?”

Harley looked at his copy of my Akashic Record and replied. “Well, you signed up for 7,500 which was a lot, but you actually did more than that. As well as those situations you agreed to create ahead of time with your soul group, you used your free will to create some extra dramas as you went along. You did a total of 8,400.”

At this point, the soul group burst into an enthusiastic round of applause. They were on their feet and began to sing and sway, clapping their hands in unison.

My former AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) sponsor spoke up. “Steve, you were hard to handle even during your Awakening phase. You were searching for Spirit all right, using spirits in some cases, but you created some real problems for yourself, if you recall. I worked hard to get you to take the healing road.”

“Thanks,” was all I could manage. As my sponsor, that man had been such a help to me during those bad days and I was feeling overwhelming gratitude towards him.

“And I was one of those problems, wasn’t I?” volunteered a female soul who was standing behind me. I turned to face the soul who had seduced me into many sexual adventures and experiments with drugs.

“Yes, you were indeed,” I responded. “But it was all pre-planned wasn’t it? I remember setting it up with you before I went in.”

“That’s right,” she replied, smiling widely. “It was fun for me, but painful for you, right?”

“Yes it was. I hated you for a long time after that.”

“I know. But that was all part of the agreement too,” she countered.

Harley tried to take back control.” It’s not unusual to create a lot of drama during the Awakening phase. It can be a very tumultuous time because all that you have ever known is torn down, including your identity. If you are not your victim story, who are you? That’s a real problem for a lot of people and it’s not uncommon for people to take up their story again and go right back to Victimland. Back to sleep.”

“But I was the one who got you to the point of Awakening, wasn’t I, Steve?” The voice came from behind, but I knew instantly whose it was.

I turned around and again met the eyes of the soul I knew to have been Susan, my loving wife. At that moment the powerful feelings that welled up in me were almost overwhelming. Here was my love, the one who, as my wife and partner, had been the wellspring of my joy and happiness, while at the same time, because of her cruel and premature death, the source of so much of my pain. Four years of Hell from the day she was diagnosed with breast cancer to the day she died. I was devastated and I came close to doing myself in on a number of occasions in the terrible months that followed. I didn’t know who the hell I was at that point and rather than find out, I used alcohol, drugs and gratuitous sex to numb out the pain.

“It’s so good to see you again, Steve,” said Susan softly and lovingly. But even though I could feel her love intensely, it was not the same love as before. There was no pain in it. No neediness, no urgency, no sentimentality, no attachment, no baggage from the past. It was pure, fresh and immediate and carried no underlying meaning. As I opened to receive it, I felt my heart healed. The pain of separation evaporated immediately and all I could feel was pure love.

“Hello, Susan,” I said dreamily, since it really did seem like a dream. “I have fantasized about this moment since the moment you died, always hoping that you would be here when I arrived. For a long time it was all that kept me from going out of my mind.”

“I know how difficult it was for you,” Susan replied, “But what you didn’t know, of course, is that I was with you the whole while, supporting you through it, along with your Granddad. On each occasion that you came close to opting out, we sent you energy — enough energy just to keep you going. It wasn’t your time yet.”

“Was it your time to go exactly when you did, then?” I asked, even though I really knew the answer.

“Of course,” Susan responded. “It was what we agreed up front, before we incarnated. You said you wanted to feel the pain of separation through having someone you deeply loved die just as the relationship was flowering. So, I volunteered to be that one. Are you beginning to remember that conversation now?”

It was still foggy, but I was trying to pay close attention and doing my best to activate my spiritual memory.

“The idea was,” continued Susan, “that my early death would happen right when you had reached your karmic unit target. That would propel you into the dark night of your soul which in turn would force you to begin the search for your awakening,”

My gaze went to the other souls in the room. I saw my mother, my father, my grandparents and even the soul who had played the role of the baby who died of SIDS. I wanted to go to each one as I had done with Susan, but Harley stopped me.

“You can connect with all these souls when the review is over,” said Harley, rather sharply. “I don’t want this to begin looking like a This is Your Life show.”

Having wrested back control of the room, he went on. “Your goal as far as the number of Karmic units was concerned was a lot to get done in one lifetime, Steve, so we needed to find you a couple of parents who would, first of all, tie into the generational pain that you already had downloaded, and secondly, treat you very badly more or less from the beginning.

“We made father a weak and feckless fellow as well as an alcoholic, and your mother a cruel, austere and controlling woman. He was a Catholic and she was a Lutheran. That made for plenty of conflict and dysfunction which is exactly what you needed in those early years.”

The two souls who were my parents stepped forward and took a bow. “We gave you plenty of opportunity to feel the pain of separation, didn’t we?” my mother said gleefully. “How else were you going to get that many karmic units in so short a time? You were the eldest so we had you all to ourselves in the early years, and what did we know about parenting? He being alcoholic and all, I hated him but I was scared of him too so I took it out on you. You got plenty of beatings from me and him.” My father just sat there grinning.

“I guess it was all in the contract,” I said. “You did a wonderful job and I am very grateful to you. I hope it wasn’t too much of a strain on your spirit to be so ugly and mean.”

“It was quite hard, actually,” she replied. “But we got what we needed out of the contract too, you realize. It’s always both ways, isn’t it? You did what you did for us, and vice versa, so we’re even.”

Harley took over again. “Being the eldest of three, you took the brunt of most of the beatings which were frequent and severe. No need to go into details, but suffice it to say that in the first 13 years of your life, these two souls, playing the roles of mother and father, gave you the opportunity to accumulate no less than 1,000 karmic units in that time. That’s a lot by any standard so those souls did you a great service. They were a good choice to play your parents.”

I turned to look again at those two souls and felt extraordinarily loving towards them. They smiled back, returning the love. My father continued to wear that grin.

Harley continued the narrative as if they weren’t there, speaking now about them not as the souls they were, but as the human parents they had been. “As you grew up the beatings lessened but after age 13 the separation took the form of a cold hearted and complete withdrawal of love by your parents.

“They rejected you and made you feel guilty because you wouldn’t do the things they wanted you to do. They wanted you to study and become a lawyer or something like that, but it wasn’t you. That added another 500 karmic units to your total. At age 18 you left and joined the Navy to get away from them.”

And so the review goes on. Harley draws a time line of Steve’s life with every instance of separation plotted along the line. They go over each one in order to see how it had been pre-planned and how perfect it was for everyone concerned. Steve would come to understand that he had never made a mistake in his whole life. In Part Two of this book you get the chance to go through your own life review in exactly the same way as Steve did, as if you had just died too. It’s a very enlightening process.

Anyway, this was just more in the way of food for thought. I hope you enjoyed it.