Changing Negative Beliefs

NOW, Let’s Begin Taking Responsibility:

When we were younger we inferred, from our parents’ words and their behavior, what kind of a person we were and will become. We made up “truths” about ourselves based on this – and for the most part we were dead wrong. We made it up. We fabricated a story about ourselves that was untrue.

Why Our Beliefs Are Almost Always Wrong:

For those of you who have read Jill’s story in my first book, Radical Forgiveness, Making Room for the Miracle, you will understand how she came to feel “not enough” by initially inferring from her father that, because he wasn’t demonstrative towards her (not bouncing her on his knee for example,) that he did not love her. That was untrue, but that was her perception at the time

She then extrapolated from that original interpretation of the situation, that if her own father couldn’t/wouldn’t/didn’t love her, then she wasn’t enough for him. Therefore, she wouldn’t ever be enough for ANY man.

That became her core-negative belief. She recreated that story over and over in her life. As her last marriage was about to break up, she was finally able to see how her husband was reflecting that belief back to her by treating her as if she was indeed “not enough.” To read a shortened version of the complete story, click here.

It’s About Them, Not Us!

We erroneously infer what kind of a person we are from how people treat us. If we get beaten every day, we conclude that we are deserving of it and must be deeply flawed. We typically carry such a belief to our grave, failing to see that the man or woman who beat us was deeply wounded and flawed, and that it was never about us. It was about them. When we understand that, we can let go of the false belief. We are not entitled to it!

Exercise:

Take each of the three beliefs listed in the previous module and fill in the blanks on these affirmations.

Belief #1:

Well done! This was good detective work. I also honor you for being willing to take responsibility for what you see “out there,” and owning it as yours. However, don’t beat yourself up for creating these situations. It’s OK, as we shall find out later. Nevertheless, doing this may well have stirred up a lot of feelings.

We suggest that you give yourself a bit of a break before doing the next module. It might seem easy to actually do this work, but believe me, a lot is happening within you as you do it, so be kind to yourself and don’t do too much in one sitting. Maybe you should sleep on it – give yourself 24 hours, perhaps. As you sleep on it, much healing will take place during your dream cycle, and that will be very beneficial.