The Radical Forgiveness Worksheet – Telling The Story

The first step in the Radical Forgiveness process is always to TELL THE STORY.

And, please, tell it from the standpoint of the complete victim. Do NOT edit or overlay it with any spiritual or psychological interpretation. (That will come later.) Don’t hold back. Write as much as you wish, there is no space limitation on this section.

Questions to ask yourself: What am I upset about? With whom? Why? What did he/she/it/they do to me? Really BE the victim. No spiritual overlays or making excuses. We suggest saying the statements in this tutorial out loud. Doing so will reinforce the ideas presented in your mind. It will also help bring thoughts that are resistant to the ideas to conscious awareness. 

Please fill in the date that you are starting this worksheet

Subject: (X) Whomever you are upset with

Step One: The situation around which I have an upset is, or was:

Step Two – Getting Started: Confronting the Person Who Victimized You

If the event occurred when you were a child or your victimizer had power over you in some other way, it is probable that you were not able to shout back, retaliate or confront the person. So this is your chance to do so. Tell the person (or organization) how much it has hurt or damaged you. Really BE the victim. No spiritual overlays or excuses. Tell it like it was or is.

I am upset with you because:

Step Two – Feeling the Feelings: Identify your real emotions here

Use feeling words. Sad, angry, betrayed, hurt, rejected, resentful, rageful, vengeful, etc.

Because of what you did (are doing), I FEEL:

Step Three – Acknowledging My Own Humanness

Now reflect honestly on your feelings about the statements you’ve already made on this worksheet and select the category of willingness that best matches your feelings at this time.

This important step provides you with an opportunity to allow yourself some freedom from the belief that feelings, like anger, vengefulness, jealousy, envy, even sadness, are bad and should be denied. No matter what they are, you need to feel your emotions in exactly the way they occur for you, for they are an expression of your true self. Your soul wants you to feel them fully. Know that they are perfect and quit judging yourself for having them. State the following out loud and assess your level of willingness to accept the idea.

Step Four – Owning My Feelings

State the following out loud and assess your level of willingness to accept the idea.
This is an empowering step because you are taking your power back by owning responsibility for your feelings. When we say others make us feel angry, we give them power over us.

Secondly, your feelings give you a tremendous amount of feedback about how you perceive the situation — usually as a victim. Knowing that you are then in a position to choose to see it differently and then alter your feelings about it.

No one can make us feel anything.
This realization represents our first step away from the victim archetype.

Step Five – Holding Judgements and Expectations

Fill  in the blanks in the statements below:

When we judge a person (or ourselves) and make them wrong, we withhold love. Even when we make them right, we are withholding love, because we make our love conditional upon their rightness continuing. Any attempt to change someone involves a withdrawal of love, because wanting them to change implies that they are wrong (need to change) in some way. Furthermore, we may even do harm in encouraging them to change, for though we may act with the best intentions, we may interfere with their spiritual lesson, mission and advancement.

For instance, if we send unsolicited healing energy to someone because they are sick, we are in effect making a judgment that they are not OK as they are and should not be sick. Who are we to make that decision? Being sick may be the very experience they need to have for their spiritual growth. Naturally if they request a healing, then it becomes a different matter entirely, and you do all you can in response to their request. Nevertheless, you still see them as perfect.

It is also revealing to see how many of these judgments and expectations you are making about yourself. Remember — if you spot it, you got it!

List the judgments, expectations, and behaviors that indicate that you were wanting him/her/them to change.

Step  Six – Part 1 – Collapsing the Story

I now realize that in order to feel the experience more deeply, my soul has encouraged me to create a BIGGER story out of the event or situation than it actually seemed to warrant, considering just the facts. This purpose having been served, I can now release the energy surrounding my story by separating the facts from the interpretations I have made up about it.

Step Six Part 2 – Collapsing the Story

Interpretations I made up about the Event 2

Step Six Part 3 – Collapsing the Story

Step  Six – Part 4 – Collapsing the Story

Step Seven – Core Negative Beliefs (CNB)

Core-Negative Beliefs That I Either Made Up From My Story or Which Drove the Story

Check all that apply

Step Eight – Opening to a Reframe – My Soul Has Created This Situation

Reading Reference: 
Read more details on this as one of the basic assumptions on page 39 in Radical Forgiveness, A Revolutionary Five Step Process. For a fuller discussion of the principles underlying it, refer to Chapter 3.
I now realize that my soul encouraged me to form these beliefs in order to magnify my sense of separation so I could feel it more deeply for my spiritual growth. As I now begin to remember the truth of who I am, I give myself permission to let them go, and I now send love and gratitude to myself and
1 ……
for creating this growth experience.

This is probably the most important statement on the worksheet. It reinforces the notion that thoughts, feelings, and beliefs create our experience and that, furthermore, we order our reality in such a way as to support our spiritual growth. When we open ourselves to this truth, the problem almost always disappears. That’s because there are no problems, only misperceptions.

I recognize that my Spiritual Intelligence has created stories in the past that are similar in circumstance and feeling to this one in order to magnify the emotional experience of separation that my soul wanted. I am recognizing some clues in my life that provide evidence that, even though I don’t know why or how, my soul has created this particular situation, too, in order that I learn and grow.

Also see Fig 1: “Jill’s Healing Journey,” Page 35 of Radical Forgiveness, A Revolutionary Five Step Process. Notice the repetitive way in which Jill’s core belief that she was “not enough” was played out in her story.

 

The kind of evidence to look out for might be as follows:

i. Repeating Patterns. This is the most obvious one. Marrying the same kind of person over and over again is an example. Picking life partners who are just like your mother or father is another. Having the same kind of event happening over and over is a clear signal. People doing the same kind of things to you, like letting you down or never listening to you, is another clue that you have an issue to heal in that area.

ii. Number Patterns. Not only do we do things repetitively, but often do so in ways that have a numerical significance. We may lose our job every two years, fail in relationships every nine years, always create relationships in threes, get sick at the same age as our parents, find the same number turning up in everything we do, and so on. It is very helpful to construct a timeline like the one Steve did (see Page 46 of Getting to Heaven on a Harley), except that you might fill in all the dates and note all intervals of time between certain events. You might well find a meaningful time interval pattern in what is happening.

iii. Body Clues. Your body is giving you clues all the time. Are you always having problems on one side of your body or in areas that correlate to particular chakras and the issues contained therein, for example? Books by Caroline Myss, Louise Hay and many others will help you find meaning in what is happening to your body and what the healing message is. In our work with cancer patients, for example, the cancer always turned out to be a loving invitation to change or to be willing to feel and heal repressed emotional pain.

iv. Coincidences and Oddities. This is a rich field for clues. Anytime anything strikes you as odd or out of character, not quite as you’d expect or way beyond chance probability, you know you are onto something.

Where once we thought things happened by chance and were just coincidences, we are now willing to think that it is Spirit making things happen synchronistically for our highest good. It is these synchronicities that lie embedded in our stories; and once we see them as such, we become free then to feel the truth in the statement that “my soul has created this situation in order that I learn and grow.”

I now realize that I get upset only when someone resonates in me those parts of me I have disowned, denied, repressed, and then projected onto them. I see now the truth in the adage, “If You Spot It, You Got It!” It’s me in the mirror!

Step Ten – If You Spot It, You Got It!

This statement serves as yet another reminder of how we can instantly become aware of our subconscious beliefs if we look at what shows up in our lives. What we have at any particular point in time is truly what we want. We have, at the soul level, chosen our situations and experiences, and our choices are not wrong. This is true for all parties involved in the drama.

Remember, there are no villains or victims, just players. Each person in the situation is getting exactly what they want. Everyone is engaged in a healing dance.

Even though I may not understand it all, I now realize that you and I have both been receiving exactly what we each had subconsciously chosen and were doing a dance with and for each other to bring us to a state of awakened consciousness.

I release from my consciousness all feelings of (as in Box # 2b)

Step Sixteen – The Radical Forgiveness Reframe

It may simply be a general statement indicating that you just know everything is perfect, or a statement that includes things specific to your situation if, that is, you can actually see what the perfection is. Often you cannot. Be careful not to do a reframe that is based in World of Humanity terms. Note any positive shift in feeling tone.

The story in Box #1 was your Victim Story, based in the old paradigm of reality (victim consciousness). Now attempt a different perception of the same event (a reframe), from your new empowered position, based on the insights you have experienced as you have proceeded through this worksheet.

I now realize . . .

What to Expect Having Done the Worksheet

Have no expectations — but be ready for ‘miracles.’
Notice a change in your feeling tone — how you feel in your body.
Notice any decrease in the energy attached to the story.
Notice how different you feel emotionally.
Notice how people around you change.
Notice in what ways the upsetting situation itself gets resolved or dissolved.
We hope you found the Online Radical Forgiveness Worksheet to be a healing experience. We want to assure you that nothing you have written has come to us. Once you click the link on the next page to clear the form, it is completely gone and irretrievable. Your privacy is paramount. Of course, if you don’t clear the form, it will be there for you the next time you sign in. But rest assured, this information is on a secure server and no one has access to the encrypted data except you.

If you haven’t already noticed a shift in the energy that you had around the situation, be open to observing how you might feel in a few hours or even a day or two. Typically people tend to feel more peaceful and less stressed out about the situation. That is the Radical Forgiveness Experience.

Stay aware, too, of how things external to you might shift. For example, a relationship might change for the better and some situations might seem to resolve themselves quickly and easily, where before they might have been quite stuck. If something wonderful happens and you want to share it with me, I would be happy to receive an e-mail. Send it to support@iirfl.com.

Please continue to avail yourself of this wonderful tool any time you need it. Be sure to remember your password for your next login, though if you do forget it, you can request it be sent to you on the sign in page.

If you found this helpful, you might want to take a look at our online Self-Forgiveness and Self-Acceptance Programs by following this link. These are very comprehensive programs but they each contain a worksheet similar to the one you have just done, only directed towards yourself.

We would appreciate your feedback and hope you enjoyed the course.