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THE PURPOSE OF RELATIONSHIP (1)
The Honeymoon Period
Falling in love
Type of love is Eros
Enchantment and seduction
Strong sexual attraction
Sex is great
Passion and romance
Pleasing each other
Getting to know each other
Giving and receiving
Exhilaration and bliss
Withholding love to control
Manipulating the other
Hiding aspects not so nice
Not being honest
The Jekyll and Hyde Syndrome
At the point when real intimacy (INTO-ME-
SEE) is achieved and the relationship
seems to be perfect – WHAM!!!
One partner turns into a tyrant overnight.
If this happens, the choice is to a) run,
(b) settle, or (c) heal the issue being
1. How many experiences of a honeymoon period have you had?
2. How many lasted more than 6 months? One year? (Before it all fell apart)
3. What attracted you to these people?
4. Did any of them resemble your parent of the opposite sex in any way?
5. Were you nervous about revealing your true self at first? For how long?
6. Did you try to win the other’s approval a lot? Did you give yourself away?
7. Did it feel like you were soul-mates? Explain.
8. Were you enchanted by this person?
8. Have you experienced the Jekyll and Hyde syndrome? How many times?
9. If so, did you run? Did you settle? Or did you recognize it as you having
created this person to reflect a part of you that you had denied, repressed and
projected onto him or her, so you could heal it?
Are you still with this person?
At the 6 – 12 Months Point
Suddenly the sweet loving person you made a commitment to
thinking this was your Sacred Beloved, becomes an abusive and
dominating tyrant who is cruel, hypercritical, judgmental and abusive. This is no accident. There is a purpose in it:
To activate personal shadow material to bring it to awareness for acceptance.
To activate old negative beliefs that no longer serve you.
You Have to Make a Decision:
3. Recognize the opportunity to use the
relationship to heal and Grow
If you run you will find another person who
will do the same thing.
If you settle you will never be happy. You will have given yourself away.
Draw a diagram to I explain what is happening.
Your experiences up until now:
THE PURPOSE OF RELATIONSHIP (2) Reality Sets In – Separation Begins
Reality Sets In – Separation Begins
Assuming you didn’t run or the Dr.
Jekyll didn’t turn into Mr Hyde you
continued with the relationship.
Did you settle?
Did you try to change him or her?
Responsibilites mount up
Becoming more domestic
In-Laws get involved
Control becomes an issue
Not so ‘in-love” now
Philia Love + Some Eros
Unequal sex drives emerge
Demands get made
Dissatisfaction sets in
One begins to dominate
Control dramas emerge
Monogamous for now but ..
Passion fatigue sets in
Heavy duty commitments
Previous hidden shadow material
starts to act out
Meanness, selfishness, a cruel streak
perhaps, abuse even.
One partner cheats.
Failures Occurs after 4 or 7 years
1. How many of your relationships didn’t last much more that 4 years? 7?
2. Did you settle and become co-dependent just to keep the marriage going?
3. If you broke up, what in the main causes for the break-up in each case?
4. Were you a long time getting over each of the breakup?
5. Is there any similarity between your breakups and your parent’s experiences?
6. Which of the descriptions in the left column applied to you in this phase?
7. Did you try to win the other’s approval a lot? Did you give yourself away?
8. Are you in this phase now and thinking you might break up? (How long has it
9. Are you in a relationship now that has survived more than 7 years?
10. On a scale of 1-100, how strong is your current relationship if you have one?
THE PURPOSE OF RELATIONSHIP (3) More Separation
More Separation, Struggle and Strife
Both in deep now. Very hard to
escape. Too many commitments.
For better or worse now
Still a shaky relationship
Philia or Storge Love mostly
Sex is routine and sporadic
Very little passion and energy
Children suck all the energy out of it
Control issues deepen
One partner dominates
Co-dependence sets in
Demands get made
Domestic pressure mount
Career needs conflict
Resentments start to spill over
Old wounds begin to get acted out
Judgments and criticism increases
An affair may begin
Very little happiness or joy in it now
Crisis: Some unforeseen disaster oc-
curs that sets off one partner’s ‘dark
night of the soul’
It’s his or her wake up call
It’s time to awaken to the truth
Break Now or Go to Phase 4.
1. Were you making the best of a bad job, or were you just resigned to it? The path of
least resistance, perhaps?
2. Who controlled/dominated/exploited the relationship? How? Could you say No?
3. Were you -codependent? Were you passive or aggressive? Did you lose yourself?
4. What fights occurred? Over what kinds of things?
5. Did either one of you cheat?
6. Did you have (or are now having) a dark night of the soul experience? Describe.
7. What brought you out of the dark night and started your awakening?
8. In the light of your awakening, can you imagine re-negotiating your relationship with
a view to having it be more ‘spiritual’ as in Phase Four?
9. Would your partner work with you in re-negotiating your relationship?
10. If not, would you leave and find someone who would?
THE PURPOSE OF RELATIONSHIP (4) Expanding Into Real Love
Awakened and Expanding Into Real
Love. A dramatic shift in relationship
Adjust to Sexual Personalities
Commitment to go back to previous
phases and clean out the energy using
The Tipping Method tools
Radical Forgiveness philosophy prevails
A major shift in one’s world view.
Now seeing the divine light him/her
Deep abiding friendship
Best friends. No demands
No controlling the other
Resolve differences quickly
Equal status and power
Complete freedom to be who they are
Boundaries and values respected
Recognizing the soul contract
Committed to each other’s growth
Real Happiness Now Possible
1. What in your life do you need to go back and forgive – using Radical
2. Have you figured out what your values and boundaries are going forward?
3. Can you both drop all the old habits from Phase 1, 2, and 3?
4. Is your partner willing to it with you? . If not, what are your options?
5. Do you need to adjust your sexual personality behavior – if so how?
6. If you don’t have a partner with whom to play in this phase, do you aspire to it?
7. Are you interested in manifesting a partner who is at the same stage as you?