MASTER COACH TRAINING
Module 18. Coaching Radical Relationships
Video Three: Coaching a Break-Up
Welcome to Video #3 in Module #18, and this is about coaching a break-up.
In these days of serial marriages, a very high proportion of marriages fail if not at Phase Two when Mr. Perfect has turned into a tyrant as a way to force you to confront your shadow, then very likely at Phase Three. Four years seems to be a point at which many relationships do come to an end. Seven years is another point at which a lot of people bail. That’s known as the 7-year itch.
Interestingly enough, the evidence seems to show that people who are highly educated and affluent tend to work harder to maintain their marriages even if problematic, then the less educated and less affluent people. The latter tend to bail more easily and quickly even though the economic ramifications of that decision might mean a lot more hardship than it would for those with enough wealth to not have to worry too much about that.
As we have seen, though, a lot of relationships fail after many decades the cause of which is when one partner awakens and wants more from life and from a relationship then they have been getting up to now, and so they move on.
If you’re lucky enough to have already worked with the couple in this situation and have helped them get to the point where they agree that the marriage is over, then there is much that you can do to help them do it in the best possible way.
This would be more or less amount to you extending the Radical Reconciliation process, albeit that you would be helping them negotiate those aspects of the break-up that have emotional ramifications. Your goal would be to help them see the process of breaking up as another opportunity to expand in Love using
Radical Forgiveness. If both partners are willing to work out an amicable settlement, you might suggest they use a good mediator
rather than lawyers, especially if there’re issues which will survive the divorce like child visitation rights, property rights, and so on. Lawyers aren’t interested in reconciliation. Their orientation is towards creating division, the objective being one person destroying the other. [There are exceptions, like those who belong
to the Holistic Lawyers Association and Lawyers as Peacemakers.]
Using lawyers to contest everything and be at each other’s throats would be fine if they were still in the pre- awakened state and still trying to garner karmic units, but I am assuming that is not what they want now.
However, if one partner wants to make a fight over it and insists on using a lawyer, then the other might not have much option, but to do what they have to do. But, you can coach either one or both of them by showing them how to get the best possible outcome in a way that might lead to an expansion of love instead of hate.
For example, get them doing worksheets on each other, and anyone else involved well before the legal proceedings begin and if they haven’t already done so, begin doing the forgiveness work to let go of any blame and resentment they may be holding towards their partner and any other person who might be involved in the breakup.
So, be firm with them and make sure they write up as many Radical Forgiveness Worksheets as necessary until the pain subsides, as well as some Radical Self-Forgiveness Worksheets if they blame themselves for some aspects of the breakup. And, have them use the 13-Steps audio processes, as well, in between.
I would also very strongly suggest that they do the 3-Letters Process at least once if one of them has anger and resentment to work through about the other.
You might also have them do the 21-Day Online Program for Forgiving Parents, Partners and More. This program will put them through an extended Radical Forgiveness program for 21 days, which will do a great deal to move them into a place of forgiveness for their soon-to-be ex-partner.
I cannot stress enough how much of a difference doing this work will make, not only to the actual process of breaking up, but to how things will work out subsequent to the divorce. It will also even affect how well any future relationship might work out, but I’ll come to that later.
If they do this work, they will be maintaining a high vibration, while when everyone else is lowering theirs. Energetically, that puts them in a more powerful position than their adversarial partner and his lawyers.
However, I must make the distinction here between the type of attack/defense cycle played at the spiritual level for reasons known only to our soul and those necessarily hardball games we might need to play at the human level to get a settlement that works for everyone.
You would certainly not advocate a passive stance for them when it comes to them fighting for what they want. In fact, you would need to support them in standing up for what they think is their right (as opposed to them trying to get everything they can and to hell with their partner), while at the same time maintaining a high vibration.
As you know, that means them being able to operate from both parts of the mind at the same time. With their rational, mental, and emotional intelligence, they will stay present to what is happening and aware of how things are proceeding, all the while taking care to protect their interests. At the same time, however, they will
need to stay connected to their Spiritual Intelligence which will enable them to observe what is happening from the perspective of the bigger spiritual picture.
Keeping this awareness while standing in their own power will have an amazing effect on how things unfold. The other partner will become more accommodating. His/her lawyer will become more reasonable and less confrontational. The judge even will be more sympathetic to the issues. Each of the partner’s families
will be more supportive, probably. And, problems that seemed insurmountable will be taken care of and will seem to solve themselves automatically, and the eventual settlement will be a win/win for both parties.
But, having said all that, in reality, the chances are much higher that you will get a client where the breakup has already occurred, and he or she is the one who has been left. Or worse, abandoned and has the least emotional support of the two subsequent to the separation. And, truth be told it is most likely to be the woman.
She will probably to be in a lot of pain and confusion, and you will probably be having to work from ground zero for a while, going through all five stages and doing a lot of basic Radical Forgiveness work as well as providing a lot of emotional support.
You will most likely have to help her push through the denial about the relationship being over. She may still be holding out false hope that this is not the case. Again, the Relationship Assessment Worksheet may be a useful instrument to go through with her to break the denial and have her face the reality of what is.
Other than that, I can only tell you to use all the tools and processes you already know to help her let go of the old relationship and move on. And, that is the topic of the next video.
We’ll see you there.