MASTER COACH TRAINING
Module #13. Radical Self-Love
Video One: False Identities
All that we have just learned in the previous three modules about happiness, body issues, and creating a life vision, plus what we learned about Self-Acceptance in Part One from the Radical Self-Empowerment Strategy has a tremendous bearing on our ability to love ourselves.
Reviewing what we said in Part One on Radical Self-Empowerment, both Self-Forgiveness and Self- Acceptance are included. The former is about overcoming guilt for something we have done, while Self-
Acceptance is a matter of dealing with our shame about who we think we are.
Filling out a combination Radical Self-Empowerment worksheet works directly on the guilt and will take us some way towards self-acceptance, but it still doesn’t really quite rise to the level of self-love. Perhaps the truth is that self-love is simply not ours to find but is bestowed from above when we open our hearts to
That said, let’s take a look at what has to be overcome and released before we can truly accept ourselves as we are in all our perfect imperfection and reach that point where we can totally let that love in. Looking back to the previous modules, this is the key to happiness and living life in alignment with our vision.
In Module 10, which was about creating a vision for our life, it became clear that before we can create a vision that is in alignment with our true self, we need to know who we are as an authentic human being, free from all the false narratives that we have built up over the years through having been subjected to ‘conditioning’
by others. (Don Miguel Ruiz, Jr., in his book, The Five Levels of Attachment, which is recommended reading, by the way, calls that process ‘domestication.’)
Consciousness creates reality. We know that. Therefore, how we see and relate to ourselves depends on the content of our consciousness. And that includes all of our ideas, assumptions, values, and beliefs about ourselves and the world that we live in. All of it stems from a variety of sources, of course; our family, our culture, our religion, our education, friends, colleagues, social media, and so on. Almost all of it reinforces the idea that we are not perfect and that if we want to be happy, we must change.
But as Don Miguel Ruiz, Jr. says, “Of all the beliefs to detach from, this is the most important: Let go of the attachment that you must obtain some image of perfection in order to be happy.”
How we perceive ourselves, then is merely a reflection of, and an attachment to, the content of our consciousness, most of which is untrue and the result of domestication by others. Even though it’s false, we nevertheless believe it to be our identity, and that’s what we project out to the world as if it were really us.
We compound the delusion even further by, from a very early age, dividing our perceived identity into two
We create this division by building our identity on attributes that early on in our childhood won approval from our parents and were positively reinforced while denying and burying deep in our unconscious minds those attributes that were disapproved of and over which we were shamed. Heaven forbid that any of those be
revealed to anyone, least of all ourselves. The ‘cool’ parts became our image and the ‘uncool’ stuff we buried, hopefully forever. And that became what Carl Jung called our shadow.
Even though it’s buried deep, it is nevertheless still part of our consciousness. And while it is very much to be considered the root cause of our profound self-hatred, there may come a time in our lives when we are given an opportunity to heal our shadow. We explore this inherent healing mechanism that I believe everyone
has and finds a way to a way to activate at some points in their lives, later in this module, and in the later modules on relationships.
Making the job of forming an authentic identity and a strong sense of self even more difficult to achieve, we also learned in Part One that we’re not just a singular self but a whole community of selves of an archetypal nature, all of whom compete for our attention and do everything they can to get us to conform to their particular narratives about who we think we are, how we should be and what we should do in any particular circumstance.
Their constant chattering inside our heads creates a lot of confusion over our identity and sense of self. If the inner judge and critical parent archetypes become dominant, we end up thinking we are completely worthless and undeserving of love.
As if this was not complicated enough, the Italian psychiatrist Roberto Assagioli showed that if we experienced serious wounding in our childhood, we created a number of different survival personalities designed to help us manage the pain and to cope with our injured sense of self. This too was mentioned in Module 12 of Part One.
Finally, we saw in the last module on body issues that the degree to which we project self-hatred onto our bodies affects how we perceive ourselves and how it is one of the most important determinants of our level of happiness and self-love.
Putting all of this together then, it is small wonder that we have a problem even coming to know who the **bleep** we are, let alone finding happiness and love for ourselves.
But as always, we need to look for the perfection in this situation. To see the perfection, we need to go back to our original model of the Soul’s Journey. All this confusion, delusion, and craziness over identity is exactly what was required to increase the sense of personal separation called for in that phase of life prior to the
Dividing you into two and pitting one-half of yourself against the other was a great way to experience the pain of separation and will have gotten you a bunch of karmic units for that. Self-love is not only impossible during this period but undesirable for precisely for that reason.
Fortunately, however, everything changes once you awaken. The need for you to keep believing in separation and creating it within yourself begins to lessen as you slowly begin to see that separation is simply an illusion and was just a game that you played.
Clearly then, it is only when we have awakened that self-love becomes possible, and even then, only when we have gone through the process of consciously discarding all our attachments to the many false narratives about who we have, up to this point, imagined ourselves to be.
You will find or will have found already, that the online program, “Who the Bleep Am I and Where the Bleep Am I Going,” is a good resource for beginning this process. It will allow you to see how you have adopted a whole series of beliefs and assumptions about yourself along the lines we have suggested here.
You might then begin to figure out how you might have turned this model of who you are against yourself by seeing in your reflection all your flaws and inadequacies. Like, “I’m not good enough.” “I’m not smart enough,”
“I’m not good looking enough.” And so on. You will see that your attachment to all such negative beliefs and self-judgments had become so second nature to you that you hardly recognized them as condemnations of the person you claimed to be. You just accepted them as normal and truly a part of who you were.
However, even after having awakened, detaching from all the negative beliefs and self-judgments is not a matter of working hard to change them in order that you can love yourself. That only gives them power and they will continue to limit you. So, no. When you accept that they have served a purpose during the pre-
awakening phase, and you love yourself for having them, they will then cease to have power over you. The chattering inside your head will stop, and all those old beliefs will naturally dissolve as you choose to be who you are in the moment and accept that you have been perfect all along, no matter what.
You will find a good way to release specific beliefs in Chapter 19 of my book, Expanding into Love Through Radical Forgiveness. The title of that chapter is ‘Repudiating Negative Beliefs.’ There is also a video linked to that chapter where you can watch me doing it as part of the ‘Satori’ Radical Forgiveness Game.
You will find that at www.ExpandingInLove.com or just scan the QR code on page 219 to go straight there. Don Miguel Ruiz Jr., gives us a powerful self-forgiveness ceremony to use for this purpose and I describe it in the next video. I think you will find it helpful for yourself and something of great value to offer your clients
either in a one-on-one session or in a workshop setting.
Then in Video #3, I offer a practical 5-step approach to transforming old beliefs into a profound acceptance of yourself. This occurs through the use of tools that release you from the need to hold onto the old definitions of who you thought you were by connecting you to the part of yourself that knows the truth — your Higher
Self. So, we’ll see you in the next video.