The model I am about to share here was created by John Kappas, Ph.D., the founder of the Hypnosis Motivation Institute, and author of a number of books on hypnotherapy. I trained as a hypnotherapist under him at his school and have found this model to be extremely helpful in relationship therapy. I think it is the key to understanding your own sexual personality and that of your partner.
Through many years of doing relationship work with hundreds of couples, including many famous film stars, Kappas observed that there are basically these two types of sexual personalities, each driven by a specific fear.
On one side of the scale is the one he describes as physical sexual. On the other is one described as emotional sexual.
We need to be careful here, for the terms physical sexual and emotional sexual can be misleading. What is being referred to here is how the person defends the part of themselves they feel to be most threatened.
The physical sexual is driven by an intense fear of rejection. Feeling vulnerable emotionally, he or she defends against the threat of rejection by putting his/her physical body out front as a form of protection. The emotional sexual, on the other hand, is driven by a strong fear of intimacy. Feeling vulnerable physically, he or she protects his or her body by putting up a wall of emotion that comprises a mixture of fear, intense shyness and distrust.
This has all sorts of ramifications for how they each show up in the world. So let me provide a sketch profile of each extreme so you can determine where on the following scale you might be. The ideal is to have around a 60/40 bias towards one end or the other. That way you will be more able to understand those with the opposite bias.
In the next section, you’ll find a questionnaire that you can use to estimate where on the scale you might be. After you have completed it, listen to my audio about how this dynamic plays out in relationships. Especially, if one or both partners are at the extreme end of the scale.