The Radical Grieving Assignement

3 Letters

This special assignment features a variation on what I believe is the best way to dissolve the energy of an upset, including the grief associated with death. It’s called “The Three Letters Process.” Each letter is written from a very different mindset and exhibits very different energy in each case, so it’s best to allow 24 hours to elapse between each one.

With Radical Grieving I also include a Radical Forgiveness worksheet to be done in between Letters 2 and 3, for it is rare that the person grieving does not apportion some blame somewhere for the death, even if it’s back on themselves.

Letter #1 — To the Deceased
Even though you are writing to the deceased, this first letter is all about you. It is the one in which you get to fully express your pain. It is the equivalent of the first two stages of grief as well as the first two stages of Radical Forgiveness. It is about how the death has impacted or is impacting you now, emotionally, physically, and mentally.

It’s in this letter that you allow yourself to spill out all your feelings of sadness, anger, or fear of being left or abandoned. You may well be feeling victimized and wounded by the death. If so, express your outrage.

If the death was untimely in the sense that he or she was still young and had a lot of years ahead of him/her, express your feelings about that. If it was an accident caused by his/her carelessness, berate him/her for being so irresponsible. If it was a disease brought on by a self-destructive lifestyle or addiction, let him or her know how you feel about that and how it has impacted you. If it was a suicide, make clear how you were hurt by him/her doing that and resent having been left to deal with the pain and the aftermath.

Grief is never one emotion. It contains them all, especially those that were unexpressed when the person was alive. It also can contain all the holdings and emotions you may have buried over the years in those parts of your life that were unlived in some way.

So don’t be surprised if a lot more, other than the death experience itself, comes welling up from somewhere deep down. If it does, continue the writing as a stream of consciousness and don’t censure anything. Include it in all the letters.

Remember, this letter is only for you. No one else is going to see it, that is unless you do want to share it with someone you really trust and who is willing to listen with an understanding of where you are coming from.

It is also important to realize that in writing down all these thoughts and feelings, some of which might seem mean and less than loving towards the deceased, it is in fact the most loving thing you can do, not only for yourself but for him or her as well.

Don’t imagine that because they are on the other side they are not having to deal with the separation just like you are. Doing these three letters facilitates the spiritual release that will allow him or her to move deeper into the light, as well as for you to move on with your human life.

So whatever you write, no matter what it is, it will not be “against” him or her because the truth heals, and it’s exactly what they want to hear. So don’t hold back. Keep writing until you have nothing left to say.