As you know if you’ve already read the short Introduction to this program, even though we know that grief can arise in all sorts of ways and at different intensities about all manner of things lost, not experienced, denied, or withheld, this particular program is specifically about helping people navigate the swampland we wade through when someone close to us dies.
Deep mourning of the death of a friend, spouse, parent or child, is a pain like no other. Steven Levine alludes to it as the ‘rope burn” of grief as what you loved most dearly slips through your fingers. I could go on describing it, of course, but you don’t need words to experience it. You are FEELING it now – deeply. And that’s why you have enrolled in this program — to get some relief.
But the first, and perhaps most important, piece of advice that I am going to offer you right up front, is to allow yourself to have the grief. Feel it totally and don’t push it down. Mourn all you have to, and then do it some more. Mourn every day until you have had enough. Mourn all the way through this program if you have to.
Just know, however, that it will get better and progressively less intense as time goes on. I can assure you that doing this program is going to make a huge difference to your pain level. Even then the mourning will go on, even after you have finished. Not to worry though. We give you tools and things that support you in moving through it to a place of peace.
I should let you know upfront that even though I know this program tends to be more emotional in nature than all the others, you will find that I speak and write in a very down-to-earth, non-emotional matter-of-fact sort of way. But please, don’t mistake it for being non-caring or without feeling or compassion for you. I really do care, and I have a lot of empathy for you, believe me, but the program requires that you do some practical work on your own that is liable to bring up a lot of emotion, so you won’t need me to bring it up for you. It will be there, I promise. My input is largely factual information anyway.
I suspect you have heard of the stages of grief. They vary somewhat but basically follow this format:
Shock and denial
It probably won’t surprise you to realize that the Radical Grieving process follows more or less the same five stages which characterize Radical Forgiveness, so you might notice the correlation – that is, if you are already familiar with Radical Forgiveness. If not, it doesn’t matter. You just follow the pathway that we have created for you to get from pain to peace.
We have set it up so you do progress from module to module in a certain sequence. If you were to bob about and do it any order you like, it might not make sense. There is a logic to the way it goes, so trust me on this. It follows a kind of pattern in which we give you some basic information and then you fill in some forms online in order to make it personal to you. Then a bit more information, and then another form you fill in. And so it goes on. It’s pretty straightforward.
How you pace your way through the program is up to you. I do not advise barreling through it all in a couple of days. On the other hand, you will want to maintain a momentum. So here’s my advise: Set a goal to have it all done within 14 days.
When you do the assignments, leave at least 24 hours before you do anything else. That way your emotional pain body has time to adjust. Healing is often done in dreamtime so that’s why it’s good to go through a sleep cycle before moving on. But don’t let it slide.
I have to warn you that you will experience resistance to doing the assignments, and you will tend to procrastinate. That’s because facing your pain is not comfortable. You’d rather do something else, like read your e-mails, or find some other distraction.
The other thing is that by doing this program you are likely to change, and your subconscious doesn’t like change. So it throws up a load of resistance. But, so long as you are aware of this and are able to recognize it when it happens, you should be able to beat it.
So let’s get on with it, shall we?